The scariness of a love one facing death no matter what the age is a harsh and hard reality to face even when you are typically a happy go lucky person.  The instant pain in the chest the rush of emotions that hurt you physically and emotionally. The tears that pour either steadily or come in bursts, the moments of ok and then the sudden remembrance of the reality of the situation. I sit here now writing to you, well if there are any readers there, from the basement level of the Baptist Memorial Hospital. Watching on helplessly as my grandfather, Granddaddy as we call him, lies before me intubated and sedated. He seems to occasionally acknowledge my presence if I am holding his hand and talking to him, I swear once or twice he nodded and shook his head in response to my questions. Of course I am not sure if it is reality or if it is just my hopeful heart hanging on.

I am torn between feelings of guilt and resolution, yes I think that is the term I want here. Guilt of not coming to see him sooner, of not going to Georgia to visit when he and my cousins were at my parents, guilt of wanting him to hang on. I wonder if maybe I should instead want for him to be with his wife, my late grandmother, my Granna. I don't know what to pray any more. I am not sure whether to pray for him to stay or pray for him to go or what. I am sure that sounds quite horrible. Let me assure you that I want for him to stay I am not ready for him to leave this earthly world, I want many more years with him. However Grandaddy has been alive now for 89 years and counting. He has seen so much change in this time. He has lost a daughter, a wife, and a son-in-law all in my opinion long before there time. It makes me wonder if he wants to still be here or if he is ready to go be with those who have gone on before him.

My last visit down here, he bought me an entire huge jar of pickles because he remember how much I like them.

Ginger one of my favorites!

I love Ginger. The spiciness, the warmth the depth of flavor stands all by itself. It is used in all types of cooking. One of my favorite websites to shop is www.thegingerpeople.com They have a large variety of ginger foods, from candy to cookies to pickle ginger. One of my favorites is the Ginger Anzac Cookies. I attempted to create a recipe to make my own copy cat version.  I have not yet succeeded perfectly however these are yummy, warm and comforting. Here is the recipe let me know what you think:

1 cup flour
1 cup instant oats
1 cup sugar
3/4 cup chopped candied ginger
1 stick of butter
1 1/2 tablespoons Ginger Syrup (left over from making the candied ginger)
2 Tablespoons boiling water
1 1/2 teaspoons baking soda

combine the first four ingredients. Melt butter with Ginger syrup(in a pan larger than you need). Mix the boiling water with the baking soda until dissolved. Add baking soda mixture to butter mixture(it will carbonate and rise) add this to the dry ingredients. Make about 1 tablespoon size balls and press down, Bake at 350  for 20 mins. Let sit on the pan for 2 mins, then cool. These are crispy cookies.


Now they have a little bit of a salty taste to me which I think comes from the baking soda, so I may try to decrease that a little next time, but that is what makes them so crispy.

I would love some feedback if any of you try them.