When my husband first asked about relocating with the company to South Dakota, all I could think was "isn't that where Mt. Rushmore is?" then wait we haven't even been to Niagara Falls yet!!! I of course have moved to South Dakota but did definitely require a trip to the Canadian side of the falls before we moved. That however is another story I am not sure I can tell to the world (insert a Betty Boop face here)
South Dakota scared me the winters are going to be long and horrible I thought. I mean I love snow, don't get me wrong but Pennsylvania/Maryland don't really get that much. I was thinking of snow chains and being stuck in the house for weeks. I could not have been further from reality. Even though the year we moved here was the big October Blizzard and thousands of cattle died (really wasn't helping dispel that initial imagery any huh), It wasn't as bad as all that. We had some snow, we had random 50 degrees (f) and then we had -10 below. I was with the Chamber then and attended a grand opening for a Dairy Queen. Thank goodness the ribbon cutting was inside. Then came spring warm weather the breeze (20+ mile an hour winds) slowed down, and then wait for it more snow and cold, then a real summer. It was beautiful rarely over high 80's, truly picturesque weather for being outdoors. Exploring the Black hills has been amazing.
Monday, April 6, 2020
Wednesday, February 26, 2020
Picking up the pieces..
Picking up the pieces after Greg died was harder than I ever could have imagined. I thought I was there in the past for friends who lost children; I thought I was there for my step-daughter when she lost her half sister. Now I feel like I let those people down, then again I know there really isn't anything people can do but lend a shoulder or an ear.
The changes in my world view were dramatic. Every employee at a ski resort suddenly was under suspicion of drug use in my mind. They all contributed they all are throwing their lives away. It took a long time almost a full two years to stop that line of thinking. I had to remember who I was at my core. I had to remember that I am a believer in people not a doubter or a nay sayer. I had to remember that people are generally good and that sometimes good people do bad things.
Every time I see a new place or even read of a new place I think of how Greg would have loved it. I think of how he might have seen it. I think of the life he could have had. I am not sure if that is the right way to think of it but it is what it is.
Now I focus on the positive I focus on being there when the wave of grief hits my parents. I think of helping others.
Life is on track for me again. Real Estate, healing from a car wreck, enrolling into college for a Bachelors degree at almost FORTY... is exciting, frustrating and scary all at once.
Life is one step at a time and we move forward coping how we can.
Addiction sucks, and I truly hope that those who seek help receive the support they need and reach out to love ones when they need more.
#addiction #recovery #death
The changes in my world view were dramatic. Every employee at a ski resort suddenly was under suspicion of drug use in my mind. They all contributed they all are throwing their lives away. It took a long time almost a full two years to stop that line of thinking. I had to remember who I was at my core. I had to remember that I am a believer in people not a doubter or a nay sayer. I had to remember that people are generally good and that sometimes good people do bad things.
Every time I see a new place or even read of a new place I think of how Greg would have loved it. I think of how he might have seen it. I think of the life he could have had. I am not sure if that is the right way to think of it but it is what it is.
Now I focus on the positive I focus on being there when the wave of grief hits my parents. I think of helping others.
Life is on track for me again. Real Estate, healing from a car wreck, enrolling into college for a Bachelors degree at almost FORTY... is exciting, frustrating and scary all at once.
Life is one step at a time and we move forward coping how we can.
Addiction sucks, and I truly hope that those who seek help receive the support they need and reach out to love ones when they need more.
#addiction #recovery #death
Wednesday, February 5, 2020
Life Shattered
I don't even know where to begin with this post. I have moved several times, tried many new things and even have a new business venture. So I guess I will start with the hard stuff.
December 2017 my brother passed away from an overdose. It sucked and still sucks big time. He moved in with me three years prior and we found out he was using. Huge shock for sure... nothing like searching your grown brothers room. The intervention went strangely well he admitted it and then gave us no problems going into detox.
The emotions were raw- and to be honest the worst ones were the feelings of helplessness to make this easier on my parents somehow. I hated to see them struggling with the new revelation that really did change our lives.
Greg made it through detox, he made it through rehab and went to work in Europe. He stayed clean, his life seemed to be coming together he even had a plan to propose to his girlfriend- ring picked out location and date everything! It seemed he was doing so well, getting things together and really was gonna make it.
Then that phone call the one that had me saying the phrase I never could understand people saying:
Greg's dead-- all I could say was "What?" over and over my poor mother having to repeat the horrific news- It was like a sucker punch to the heart like everything fell apart. I couldn't believe it I didn't want to believe it.
Maybe I will share my thoughts from that day in the future, but as my eyes are filled with tears even now as I type it will not be now.
That Christmas was on autopilot and I stayed with my parents for quite a while well into the new year. I couldn't leave them I felt like it would be abandoning them, I wanted to fix it but I couldn't change this I couldn't fix it.
Since then the family is slowly healing there are times when we all cry when the memories or the loss just hit hard. We all keep going though we have to we live our lives and think of him often everything a little different in our thoughts and our visions. The trajectory of ours lives changed forever.
Enough for now and not how I meant for this post to go but maybe someone needs to read it.
#addiction #family #death #lifechanges
December 2017 my brother passed away from an overdose. It sucked and still sucks big time. He moved in with me three years prior and we found out he was using. Huge shock for sure... nothing like searching your grown brothers room. The intervention went strangely well he admitted it and then gave us no problems going into detox.
The emotions were raw- and to be honest the worst ones were the feelings of helplessness to make this easier on my parents somehow. I hated to see them struggling with the new revelation that really did change our lives.
Greg made it through detox, he made it through rehab and went to work in Europe. He stayed clean, his life seemed to be coming together he even had a plan to propose to his girlfriend- ring picked out location and date everything! It seemed he was doing so well, getting things together and really was gonna make it.
Then that phone call the one that had me saying the phrase I never could understand people saying:
Greg's dead-- all I could say was "What?" over and over my poor mother having to repeat the horrific news- It was like a sucker punch to the heart like everything fell apart. I couldn't believe it I didn't want to believe it.
Maybe I will share my thoughts from that day in the future, but as my eyes are filled with tears even now as I type it will not be now.
That Christmas was on autopilot and I stayed with my parents for quite a while well into the new year. I couldn't leave them I felt like it would be abandoning them, I wanted to fix it but I couldn't change this I couldn't fix it.
Since then the family is slowly healing there are times when we all cry when the memories or the loss just hit hard. We all keep going though we have to we live our lives and think of him often everything a little different in our thoughts and our visions. The trajectory of ours lives changed forever.
Enough for now and not how I meant for this post to go but maybe someone needs to read it.
#addiction #family #death #lifechanges
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